The Dream Of a Marathon
During my last run (on Friday) the week of the race, as soon as I finished, I started crying.
São Leopoldo, October 16, 2024 - Edition 044 - Fer’s Newsletter
Hello, good morning to you who are reading this newsletter. As soon as it arrived at 6:08 AM, we used to send out our editions when we first started the Fer's Newsletter.
But there’s a reason for this special timing: today’s edition is more than special, and the storyteller isn’t me, but a guest: Fernanda Passini.
In this inspiring account, she shares her transformative journey as an amateur athlete, facing physical and emotional challenges in her quest to complete a marathon. From her first experiences with running, overcoming personal struggles, and making tough decisions, to the intensive preparation for her 42 km and 195 m race, every step reflects determination, resilience, and the power of support from friends and family.
Fernanda reveals how running became not just a sport, but a true dream to be realized. This edition is all yours, dear Passini!
For those who don’t know me, my name is Fernanda Passini, I’m a 45-year-old lawyer and amateur athlete from Campo Bom, in Rio Grande do Sul, Brazil.
I started running to prove to my friends that I didn’t like running… Yes, you read that right. I used to accompany them to races, always being teased. They said that once you run your first race, you never stop.
I doubted it, so I signed up for a 6 km race and started training (with only 23 days to go). The result? On August 16, 2015, I finished the race, and seconds after crossing the finish line, I asked: “What’s the next one?”
On June 12, 2016, I ran my FIRST HALF MARATHON (21 km) in Florianópolis, Santa Catarina. Once again, I found myself saying: “More than 21 km? No way… that’s already enough time running without stopping!”
But in 2023, I changed my mind again. I completed two half marathons (in Porto Alegre and Curitiba) and started wondering if I could take on my first MARATHON (42 km and 195 m).
All along this journey, I’ve been accompanied by qualified professionals who supported my projects. Then, in 2024, my coach—Juliano Guarnieri from Ironlegion, the same coach since the race back in 2015—gave the green light. Our new plan became the PORTO ALEGRE INTERNATIONAL MARATHON/RS, which would take place on June 16, 2024.
With the planning underway, in the first half of January, I had to decide to remove my uterus and fallopian tubes for health and quality-of-life reasons. I remember the doctor's appointment felt like a bucket of ice water, as two very personal aspects of my life were directly affected. It wasn’t an easy decision. On top of that, the final "NO" hit hard.
I consulted Juliano, and with his full support, I underwent the procedure on February 20, 2024. Ten days without training, easing back slowly, until I completed 30 days of surgery and recovery.
I returned to training, fully aware that I’d need even more discipline to make up for the pause and still hit my goal. And that’s exactly what I did.
May, floods in the state, doubts about the race, and uncertainties in so many aspects. May was a complicated and very sad month. I missed a few training sessions (just a few) because I also dedicated my energy to helping people in need, and my body made me stop. However, during this complex period, running was also my ally in organizing my thoughts and feelings (including fear and insecurity).
For a few moments, I thought I would have to postpone this project, even considering looking at other states for the MARATHON 2024. But then it was rescheduled and set for a new date—September 29, 2024.
After the most turbulent period had passed, on what was supposed to be race day (06/16/2024), I completed my first 30 km during a team training session in 3 hours, 34 minutes, and 11 seconds. That day confirmed it for me: stay focused on the marathon. The Monday before this run, I had gastroenteritis, meaning I had all the excuses not to take on the challenge of completing this distance (and yes, I did question my coach about whether I should), but I worked on my mindset and decided to try. I would do my best and see what I could achieve. And it worked!
During the floods and for some time afterward, I did several training sessions in the common area of the condominium where I live. Without a doubt, they greatly contributed to my mental strength, even though the route I ran looked like "something only a crazy person would do" (laughs).
Moreover, the training sessions kept progressing, the pace improved, and the results of my commitment and dedication started to show. Then came the weekends with long runs, and Saturdays spent running for hours on end. Invitations from friends and family started to receive a standard reply: “I can't on Friday because I have a long run on Saturday.”
And so I kept going: paying attention to rest, nutrition, hydration (my biggest challenge), strength training, physiotherapy, and running sessions. I remember the second-to-last long run when I completed nearly 30 km and finished feeling great. I got to my coach and said, “You didn’t ask, but I’ll say it anyway: I’m happy!” His response: “You didn’t need to say it, it’s clear on your face!”
On race week, during my last training run (Friday), as soon as I finished, I started crying. It was a mix of emotions: the feeling of a job well done, of having completed the entire training cycle, and a bit of nervousness. Now it was race time!
I felt a similar sensation during the last race I did before the marathon, the POA DAY RUN - 10 km. As I approached the finish line, emotions overwhelmed me because I thought:
“The next finish line will be at the marathon.”
I remember several training sessions where I ran and mentally visualized the marathon finish line and every single time, it was impossible to control the emotion. It was always present along this journey. If there was something I kept telling myself, it was: it will work out! I will make it! No matter how much fear and insecurity arose, that was the thought I focused on.
I had friends who supported me, training partners, family cheering me on, teammates; so now more than ever: surround yourself with people who dream with you, who support you, understand your choices, and motivate you to keep going—and yes, who inspire you. Also, make sure to always have skilled professionals by your side to help make it happen, but remember: the greatest responsibility is yours!!!
But that was the journey. What about the marathon?
One thing I always thought and hoped for on the day of the test was that it wouldn’t be too hot. Most of my training had been done on cooler days, many of them rainy. However, I also kept in mind that the weather was something I couldn’t control, so it was up to me to try not to worry about it.
The forecast was for hot weather, but I still felt incredibly calm. Plus, I had a great night’s sleep, woke up, had breakfast, and had a smooth ride to the test site.
When I got there, I took the supplements and put them in the pockets of my shorts (carbo gel, gummy carbs, salt capsules, Stiksy). I had also written the entire supplementation plan on my arm, noting the minutes when I would take each item. We warmed up and listened to the coach's words, and at that moment, strong emotions hit me!
Yes, there it was again. We headed to the starting line, and this magical moment was about to begin. I ran with great happiness, cheering each time I passed my friends, and even with strangers who were there cheering for me. I enjoyed every kilometer, even the more challenging ones, although, for those, I wished they would pass quickly.
I had a plan to complete the race in 5 hours, starting at seven in the morning. If everything went well, I would make it for lunch (laughs) – noon! My planned pace was 7, meaning it would take me 7 minutes to cover 1 kilometer. During the moments of greatest emotion and excitement from the crowd, my pace would pick up (I would run faster), and I needed to keep an eye on the clock to avoid getting too carried away and paying the price in the end. I was doing very well until kilometer 28. I kept hydrating at every station and followed my planned supplementation scheme.
I reached the 30 km mark, which is always a milestone for the body, and knowing this, my focus on maintaining the correct pace was even greater. Upon arriving at the Public Market, which was a significant moment (besides being great because it was a cool environment in the heat), I completed approximately kilometer 33 (the longest I had run in training was 33.7 km). At that moment, two thoughts emerged:
"Okay, we know how it was up to here; now let's head into the unknown."
"Now it’s just a matter of returning to Barra Shopping (our starting/finishing point)."
From that moment on, my mental state played a crucial role. The remaining 10 km felt much farther away, and the hydration points seemed insufficient. At this point, I started using supplementation based on my feelings because I had simply erased the timing of my last gel from my mind. My "cheat sheet" on my arm no longer made sense; looking at the minutes indicated and calculating seemed far too difficult.
At that moment, I thought of the people who supported me, who were cheering for me, and the challenge of overcoming this. The thought was: I have to keep going to meet my goal, and most importantly, there are people waiting for me. I was aware that I was ahead of schedule, so reducing my pace a bit didn’t concern me; in fact, it gave me strength.
Upon reaching kilometer 37, my body began to experience a sensation I couldn’t quite identify. I checked my heart rate on my watch, and everything seemed fine. However, since I was unsure if I was looking in the right place and couldn’t identify what was happening, I decided to walk for a few meters to understand. At that moment, my sister appeared. I asked for water, and she bought some from nearby vendors. The ice-cold water was the most welcome refreshment! As usual, I poured some over my body and hydrated myself. I then realized that what I was feeling was a strong nausea. Additionally, with 5 more kilometers to go, I took advantage of the walk to consume my last gel (although it was forced) and, after taking a deep breath, I resumed running. At that moment, I met a runner from Caxias do Sul and a cyclist who encouraged me to keep going.
People show up at just the right moment, don’t they?! First my sister, then these two guys (keeping with our gauchês).
From then on, at kilometer 41, when I had my sister and my goddaughters by my side again, the most emotional moment began. I was thrilled to have this moment captured by a friend, who reminded me how hard each of us fought for that moment and that it was finally time to cross the finish line and wear the medal and the official title of MARATHONER!!! With every meter I covered, I found my friends cheering for my arrival! It was magical, it was incredible, it was sensational!!!
And I confess it takes a while for it to sink in. Believe me, on that day I didn’t fully absorb everything I had achieved. This awareness gradually emerges, and writing this text has helped me process a bit more of all of it.
Lastly, never compare yourself to others. Running, before being about others, needs to be about you! Want to start running?