The Wisdom of Letting Go: Free Yourself from What Holds You Back
Discover the power of starting over and make room for new beginnings
São Leopoldo, December 12, 2024 - Edition 048 - Fer’s Newsletter
Good morning, good afternoon, or good evening, depending on when you read this message. So, how has your week been? I last appeared in your inbox on December 5, and many things have happened since then. That’s life—days of glory, days of struggle.
Sometimes, stepping back is necessary. What many perceive as weakness can be an act of courage, strength, and redefinition. Giving up doesn’t always mean losing; often, it’s about having the emotional intelligence to realize that persisting in something unfruitful is like punching the sharp end of a knife.
After three years of trying to create content and make a living online, it’s time to step back. I need to evaluate where I’m going wrong and understand why I haven’t taken off yet. They say we should only compare ourselves to our past selves, but let’s be honest—it’s sometimes inevitable to glance at others.
Even so, I am certain that I never sold illusions, never tried to deceive anyone, nor portrayed an image of success that wasn’t real. The path may be tough, but I continue with a clear conscience and an open heart, ready to start again whenever necessary. After all, life is about adjustments and learning.
The Wisdom of Letting Go: Free Yourself from What Holds You Back
Discover the power of starting over and make room for new beginnings.
How many times have you felt overwhelmed by the weight of giving up, as if it were a mark of failure? Society teaches us that abandoning something is the same as accepting defeat, but does that idea make sense? Not always continuing is not the wisest path. Sometimes, courage lies in knowing when to stop.
Giving up is not a weakness; it’s an act of strength. It’s like letting go of a heavy suitcase you've been carrying for years, but that takes you nowhere. It’s the opportunity to choose what truly matters, to make space for new paths.
Allow yourself to reevaluate your choices. Perhaps giving up isn’t the end, but the beginning of something greater. Because, deep down, giving up is not losing. Losing is staying where you don’t belong.
Why Are We Afraid of Giving Up?
The fear of giving up is a shadow that follows us from an early age. We are not born with it; it is planted and nurtured throughout life. Since childhood, we hear phrases like “only the weak give up” or “never give up on your dreams.” These messages transform into limiting beliefs that tie us to paths that don't always serve us well.
But have you ever stopped to think about the cost of insisting? Angela Duckworth, author of the best-seller Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, states that determination is essential, but she also emphasizes that knowing when to give up on an unrealistic goal is crucial for preserving our energy and emotional well-being. Sometimes, insisting is like rowing against the current in a leaking boat.
Society glorifies resilience but rarely celebrates the courage to start over. Giving up can be the most liberating act you’ve ever made. As Steve Jobs said:
“You have to find what you love. And that’s only possible if you dare to give up what you don’t love.”
Reevaluating is not a sign of weakness; it’s an act of wisdom. Because giving up, in reality, can be the first step to finding the right path.
The Stigma of Giving Up
Admitting that we want to give up is an internal battle surrounded by judgment. We live in a society that exalts phrases like “never give up,” turning persistence into a synonym for absolute virtue. However, insisting on something that doesn’t make sense can be more harmful than stopping.
Angela Duckworth states, “Persistence is important, but insisting without purpose can be a waste of energy.” Giving up is not a sign of weakness but an act of self-care and wisdom. It is about understanding that some battles cost us more than we can afford emotionally.
As Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, wisely put it:
“Courage is knowing when to move forward and when to let go.”
Giving up does not define us; what matters is what we do with the freedom we gain by letting go of what no longer serves us.
Confusing Giving Up with Weakness
Giving up is not synonymous with failure; it is an act of courage. We live in a culture that glorifies persistence, but as the philosopher and writer Seneca wisely said:
"Life is not about waiting for the wind to change but about adjusting the sails."
Leaving behind what limits or hurts us is not weakness, but self-care. It's like letting go of a rope that cuts our hands.
As Duckworth explains, insisting without purpose can be a waste, while strategically giving up makes room for new paths. Recognizing that something isn't working is the first step toward redirecting our energy toward what truly matters.
Giving up can, indeed, be the smartest choice for achieving happiness.
When is It Necessary to Give Up?
Knowing when to give up is one of the hardest decisions, but also one of the most liberating. Persisting without purpose is like rowing without a destination, wasting energy that could be used to achieve something meaningful.
Adam Grant, in his book Think Again, highlights that “giving up doesn’t mean failure, but rather the wisdom of knowing when to change direction.” Often, we insist on projects or relationships that no longer bring us growth, out of fear of judgment or not wanting to appear weak. However, giving up can be an act of courage that makes space for new beginnings.
Research suggests that persisting in unattainable goals can lead to chronic stress and affect mental health, as described in an article by Eugenio Mussak on February 14, 2020, on the Vida Simples website. Recognizing this limit is essential to redirect our efforts. As the saying goes: “Sometimes, you need to lose the battle to win the war.”
It is important to discern between persistence and stubbornness. While the former is driven by purpose, the latter can trap us in unproductive cycles. Giving up on something that no longer makes sense is an act of self-care and personal growth.
Whether in careers, projects, or relationships, knowing when to stop is a sign of maturity. Giving up doesn’t mean giving up on yourself; it’s making way for a new journey with more wisdom and clarity.
Evaluating the Benefits and Costs
Every decision is a fork in the road: to continue or change direction? Before choosing, ask yourself:
"Does this add value or limit me?"
As Grant explains in Think Again, “persisting in what doesn’t work is a waste of precious resources.” An honest analysis of costs and benefits is not a weakness, but a strength. It reveals what deserves your energy.
Weigh the gains and losses. A choice that drains more than it nourishes is an invitation to reassess. As the saying goes, “To sail is necessary, to live is not,” but only if the route leads to a destination worth the effort.
Example: Mental and Physical Health
Mental and physical health are inseparable. As the WHO states, "there is no health without mental health," in an article published on October 10, 2016. Persisting in toxic environments, whether at work or in relationships, can devastate both. Studies show that chronic stress increases the risk of heart disease and depression, as reported by psychologist Tamiris Mariana Silva Lax, in an article published on the Psicólogos Berrini website.
Giving up is not a weakness; it is an act of courage and self-care. Renouncing what suffocates us is making space for growth. Choosing well-being is a commitment to your life and happiness.
Real-Life Stories
Consider the case of great entrepreneurs who abandoned doomed projects to invest in something new. Steve Jobs was fired from his own company, but he used this as a springboard to create revolutionary products. The act of quitting made room for something greater.
Differentiating Perseverance and Stubbornness
The line between perseverance and stubbornness is thin but crucial. While perseverance is driven by purpose and adaptability, stubbornness is fueled by pride and rigidity. "Perseverance arises from a firm sense of purpose, while stubbornness is the result of arrogance," says Michael Cardoso, in an article published on LinkedIn on September 5, 2021.
Imagine a sailor adjusting the sails to reach their destination, even with opposing winds. This is perseverance. Stubbornness, on the other hand, is sailing in the wrong direction, refusing to change out of fear of seeming weak. Persisting with intelligence means recognizing when a path isn't working and seeking new approaches.
"Stubbornness is insisting, even when reality proves otherwise."
In contrast, the perseverant stays focused on the goal but is flexible in strategies. This adjustment is what separates success from exhaustion, states Samuel Pereira, in a post published on InfoMoney on March 28, 2016.
As the Japanese proverb says: "Fall seven times, rise eight." This doesn't mean repeating mistakes but learning from each fall. It's essential to ask: does what I’m pursuing justify the emotional, physical, or financial cost? If the answer is no, giving up is not weakness, but wisdom.
True strength lies in balancing conviction with humility, persisting for the right purpose while avoiding senseless obstinacy.
When Insisting Is Not Productive
Not every battle is worth fighting. Insistence, when devoid of purpose, can lead to emotional and financial exhaustion. As Frei Jaime Bettega wisely points out:
“Excessive insistence does not add any gain and can even weaken the pursuit itself.”
Insisting is not the same as persevering. Persevering means adjusting the course when necessary while keeping the focus on the goal. On the other hand, blindly insisting means staying in error, ignoring the signs that it's time to change. As Mario Sergio Cortella says, “Insistence is necessary, but it has a limit.”
It is liberating to let go of what doesn’t add value, so you can focus on what truly matters. After all, productivity is about knowing where to invest energy, not wasting it on something with no future.
The Role of Intuition in Decision-Making
Do you know that "butterfly in the stomach" feeling that arises as a silent alert? That's your intuition, a powerful ally in difficult decisions. Studies show that intuition is a combination of past experiences and emotional signals picked up by the subconscious, according to an article by David Robson Role, published on BBC WorkLife on April 28, 2022. As Albert Einstein once said:
"The only real valuable thing is intuition."
When something isn't working, trusting that instinct can be the difference between persisting unnecessarily and choosing a new path. Training your perception is essential for assertive decision-making. After all, intuition is more than just a hunch – it's the wisdom of the body and mind working in harmony, states Mark Travers from Forbes US.
Lessons from Letting Go
Letting go of something is not a sign of weakness but of courage. As Steve Jobs said:
"Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose."
Recognizing when it's time to leave something behind means valuing your energy and opening up to new opportunities.
Giving up can teach us that failure is not the opposite of success, but part of the journey. It redefines priorities and reminds us that our focus should be on what helps us grow. When you choose to release something that weighs you down, you create space for what truly matters.
Psychology suggests that letting go of what no longer serves us is essential for well-being. According to Daniel Kahneman, the Nobel-winning psychologist, the tendency to persist in something simply because we've invested time and resources in it – known as the "sunk cost fallacy" – traps us in unproductive situations.
Free yourself from what no longer makes sense. Like a closed book, the end of one chapter is simply the beginning of another. Your future will thank you for the lightness you’ve achieved today.
Making Space for New Opportunities
Giving up is not losing; it's freeing yourself for what’s to come. Just as Marie Kondo teaches in The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, by letting go of what no longer sparks joy, we create space for something new and meaningful. Closing a project that no longer aligns with your values could be the key to uncovering unexpected opportunities.
Studies show that embracing change increases resilience and brings fresh perspectives. Letting go of something is not the end, but a beginning. When we release the old, we welcome the future with courage and purpose.
Your next big step may be waiting for that space.
Personal Growth Through Decision
Personal growth is a choice that requires courage. As Camille Holmer wrote, "Growing is a conscious decision not to settle for less than you deserve."
True strength lies in recognizing that certain struggles aren't worth it and that letting go can open doors to greater accomplishments. Growing is understanding that each choice transforms us, shaping our essence to achieve something better and more meaningful.
Giving Up Doesn’t Define Who You Are
Giving up can carry a weight that many associate with weakness, but it’s essential to understand that you’re not defined by the times you considered quitting, but by the choices you made afterward. Every obstacle overcome transforms you into a stronger version of yourself, even if the path seems solitary or exhausting.
The decision to keep going is a testament to courage. As the saying goes:
"When you think about giving up, remember why you started."
Failure is an invitation to learn and improve, while giving up may be the opportunity to reassess priorities, redirect efforts, and seek new horizons.
Consider stories of overcoming and reinvention: people who failed countless times but found in failure the driving force to achieve the extraordinary. Walt Disney, for example, was fired for "lack of creativity" before becoming a global icon. These stories remind us that "giving up is extinguishing the light before the sun rises."
So, instead of lamenting your failures, ask yourself: what have I learned? How can this propel me forward? True strength lies in persistence and adaptation. Closing a chapter is not the end; it’s the chance to rewrite your story. After all, "greatness is forged in adversity," and by overcoming each urge to give up, you get closer to your dreams.
The Importance of Not Judging Yourself
We all make mistakes, we all change. So why blame yourself for giving up? Stop punishing yourself and start seeing yourself with more compassion. Giving up on something is not a sign of failure, but rather an invitation for reflection and learning. We all make mistakes, and carrying them as an eternal burden is unfair to you. As Carl Jung said, "I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become." Allow yourself to embrace this human journey, where stumbles are part of growth.
The act of not judging yourself begins with understanding that every choice, even the decision to give up, shapes our path. See mistakes as teachers, not as judges. Being kind to yourself is not a weakness, but an act of courage that paves the way for personal transformation.
Conclusion: Choosing the Best Path
Giving up is not synonymous with failure. Often, it is the first step toward achieving what truly matters. According to Brené Brown, a specialist in vulnerability and courage, "Courage starts with showing up and letting yourself be seen" — and this includes having the courage to say no when something no longer aligns with who you are. Abandoning a journey that does not respect your values or your well-being is not a setback, but an act of self-care and self-compassion.
True failure is ignoring your limits in the name of others' expectations. Psychologist Angela Duckworth emphasizes that "perseverance does not mean blindly following; it means adjusting the path to achieve excellence." Thus, giving up something that doesn't contribute to your purpose is, in fact, a wise choice.
Reevaluating your steps and taking a new direction demonstrates strength and resilience. Every abandonment makes room for new opportunities, new dreams, and a new version of yourself.
We have reached the end of this journey, but the learning continues. The decision of which path to take is yours — and only yours. Reflect on this with kindness and courage.
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Fernando Nunes - mentesevolucao@gmail.com